FBN7 on the Air!
by peach petal9
Summary: I've combined short works of mine into one new story. The FFVII crew is working in the media business. Can they make a station live?
1. Making Ratings

Okay, new story here. I'm trying to combine all the mini shows I've written into one big story about the Final Fantasy VII crew working at the radio station. There are so many shows but they're not long enough that I'd consider making a place for them on this site. So I shall create a new story incorporating them in. I hope you like it. ;)

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Cloud stands outside a large grey building, staring at the giant radio tower on top of it. He shifts his paper stack from one arm to the other and heads for the door. As he opens it and steps in, he's bombarded by noises of music, talking, phones ringing, and people running from room to room.

He sighs and continues towards the elevator. Elena spots him and runs up to him.

"Oh good, you're here."

"Of course I'm here, I gotta show to do." He gives her a slightly annoyed look. She doesn't take notice of it.

"Did you get the reports on our stats?"

"Yeah, I did."

"We're number ten on the charts! Life with Birds and Beasties is up there and Soaring with Cid is getting no reviews!"

"Uh, I think that's a bad thing, Elena."

"Shinra Station HQ has requested more shows to boost our ratings." Elena blabbers on. Cloud lifts a hand to silence her.

"I know! Listen, the only reason I'm doing this is because I owe Aeris. Now I'm going up to my recording box and I have to be on in twenty minutes. I have to go now."

And with that, Cloud takes the stairs. He trots up them quickly but steadily as not to run out of breath. He reaches the forth floor and opens the door. It's a little quieter up here, but he can hear the other DJs talking and chatting away. He enters a room labeled, 'Cloud Strife. Player's Corner' and sits down a microphone.

As he is getting his headset on, he watches a hostile Valentine walk by and catches a look of scrutiny before he disappears down the hallway. Cloud shudders but perks up as Tifa knocks on the door before entering.

"Hey you're here."

"Of course how could I turn down a new paycheck?" He grins at here, trying very hard to talk to her and not her chest.

"I think it's great that you've got your own show and all, but you didn't really tell me what it was going to be about. Is it a game show?"

"Not really."

"Is it a children's show?"

"I wouldn't recommend it for children under the age of sixteen."

"Huh?" Tifa gives him a puzzled look. Cloud looks away quickly.

"Look, just give it a listen and you'll get the idea of it real quick. I've got to go over some stuff before I go on air so…" He let the rest dangle and Tifa nodded with some suspicion.

"Well, Ok." She turned to leave, but Cloud stopped her.

"Hey, uh…I saw Vincent go by. He didn't look too…he didn't look his usual gloomy self."

"Um yeah, he's got a show on just before you." Tifa begins to play with a strand of hair and leans on one foot.

"Before me? I go on in fifteen."

"Ummhmm, his show is only, like five minutes or so. You'll be on schedule."

"Why are talking like a valley girl?" Cloud asked as he wondered about Tifa's sudden speech change.

"Huh? Am I? I didn't realize that I was." Tifa stands up straight again and puts her hair down.

"Oookay. I gotta prepare." Cloud says slowly, throwing her a slightly worried look.

"Ok, ciao." She walks out and shuts the door quietly. Cloud turns on his equipment just in time to hear Vincent's music.

FBN7 and World Broadcasting presents…Great Landscapes and Holidays with your host, Vincent Valentine.

Vincent's smooth, mesmerizing voice fills Cloud's earphones as he wonders, "Landscapes and Holidays. Since when would he ever go on one? Welcome folks, let me show you what it's like six feet under in the cheapest room you'll never check out of."

He snickers to himself as dark man continues.

"Hello and welcome. Today's Landscapes and Holidays episode will take you to Costa del Sol."

The music to the beach wonderland starts up. "You'll never see a better description for a getaway, 'Costa del Sol, luxury under the sky where the sun meets the sand.' Stay at the Costa del Sol hotel and get a great room with a view. Head down to the bar and try one of their fruit drinks called 'the Sunset'. It's one of their signature drinks. Talk about anything you want to the waitress, don't worry she can't speak English very well."

"Don't forget to pick up some great items and armor at the seaside shops. Finally, a great place to see on the horizon is Cloud's Villa. It's the biggest estate on the shore, you can't miss it."

Cloud hears the distaste in Vincent's voice as he speaks. "He will welcome you to his summer parties with open arms, for ladies that is. Guys, you might just want to admire the nice roof tiles or something."

"Hey!" Cloud snapped. He knew it was useless since Vincent couldn't hear him, then he shrugged. "Well, I can't help it. I love ladies."

"That's about all the time we have today. Stay tuned for Cloud's Player's Corner. I'm Vincent Valentine and this has been Great Landscapes and Holidays."

Cloud gets a rap on his window on the other side from the techies. It's Elena and Rude telling him he's got one minute. He nods.

"Hmph. So what if I'm a ladies' man. He could be too if he just stopped pinning after that Lucretia. I'll show him what will bring in the ratings."

Cloud sets out his script and waits for Elena to give him the signal. Rude starts up the music to his show.

"Hello and welcome everybody. My name is Cloud, but on this show you can call me 'Player'. This show will bring you some juicy advice on how to become a player, like me. Let's just hope the censors don't get a hold of us first."

Cloud leans back in his chair and brings the mike with him. "First, I know you guys think you're the scene with the flashy clothes and shoes, but I'm telling you from the ladies' point-of-view, you're about as flashy as a night light. So I'm here to rescue from fashion disaster in this installment of Player's Corner.

"First rule: Don't do too much leather. A jacket is cool, leather pants are cool, a leather steel studded S&M outfit is cool. Not cool…all those things combined. Pay attention to what woman you're trying to impress, leather will not work for those animal rights girls. Same goes with fur."

Cloud pauses and looks at Elena and Rude giving him the nod that things are running smoothly. He continues.

"Second rule: Don't do too much black. Yes, it's slimming and sexy, but unless you're field interest is the gothic type you'll just look like you're depressed and unable to color coordinate yourself. "

"Third rule: Don't overplay the sports jerseys. Have your handy Midgar Mallets jerseys ready for the weekend rolls, but have some dress pants and business shirts handy. The night life is changing for the sophisticated. Honeys want you to look like you know what you're doing, a nice seductive business transaction."

"Finally, a little kinkiness is allowed. Guys well positioned hats and cups can make a girl go crazy wondering what's holding that item up well, but don't freak her out with monkey costumes or diapers. That's just wrong. And please leave this advice for the Bedroom Only!"

Cloud flips over his page. "Alright, I'd like to say a few things about the future of this show. We will be having surprise guests and letters addressed on air so I won't just be berating you guys out there. Ladies, I will have some segments for you where you will be doing the talking and having your say. I may be a player, but I'm also a gentleman. Uh, I'll have some products and materials that will lead you on the right road to becoming the ultimate player and as always, I'll dish out the regular rules and rights of playerhood."

"So," Cloud looks up and jumps slightly as he meets a red faced Tifa on the other side of the sound proof window. "Uh, so until tomorrow keep tight and I'll lay a little more down for ya. I gotta go, my baby's waiting for me."

Tifa frowns even deeper and he gives her a small sheepish smile. "So until next time, play it good, play it hard, and play it right. I'm out." He takes off his earphones and leaves the rest to the two black suited figures in the other room.

He watches as Tifa points for him to leave the room and meet her outside in the hallway. He sighs and follows her instructions. She leaves the other room. As he gets out there, he braces himself for the storm of words already coming out.

"Just what kind of show do you think you're doing?! That was just abdominal and distasteful and-and wrong!" Tifa started in.

Cloud shrugged. "Well, the station wants ratings I'm telling you this will bring them in. Look, I didn't do anything wrong. I am simply giving out advice to those in need of knowing how to treat a woman's interests."

"No, you're promoting promiscuous behavior. This is about how to handle dating multiple women!"

"And he knows a thing or two about that doesn't he?" Vincent injected as he walked by. Cloud shrank back as the handsome man threw him a venomous look.

"What's with him? Why does he always do that to me?" Cloud asks aloud.

"That is not the subject at the moment, but just to let you know my opinion I think it's because unlike you, he has one woman and one alone that he treats as a gentleman should and believes that what you are doing is disgraceful and disgusting and-

"No, I think that's what you think and that's not it. He's always looked at me like that even before he knew about my relationship with Aeris and you." Cloud continued and shook his head looking down at the ground in thought.

Tifa gasped. "Just what does that mean both Aeris and I?"

"No, I think he has something against me and my looks or something. He's always staring at me like, 'I wish I was like him'. Or perhaps it's something else…"

"Are you listening to me?" Tifa waves her hand in front of him. "Hey!"

Elena comes out of the booth. "Okay Cloud, it recorded well. Good job in there."

"Excuse me!" Tifa shouts still not being heard.

"That's great, listen I'm going to need an assistant to book guests and manage mail. Do you think I can get that?" Cloud starts walking up the hall with Elena. Rude comes up behind and nods.

"Yup, that can be arranged. We should be able to get the ratings by tomorrow afternoon." Elena begins to scribble some notes down in her organizer.

"Thanks I'll be going now. Do I need anything else?" Cloud hits the button to the elevator.

"Yeah, you need to take the stairs." Tifa came up behind him and grabs his collar. She kicks the stairwell door open and tosses him down the stairs.

"YEEEAAAAAHHHH!"

End.

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Notes- I hope this works out well. I've got a few shows going on in this story. Great Landscapes and Holidays, Player's Corner (if you must know how that idea came to mind was that one game play of mine had me giving all the character hip hop names and such i.e. Big Daddy and Player)

There will be a show for Aeris called Gardening Tips in Midgar, Bugenhagen's Word of the Day, and Tifa's Workout. I may add some more but I'll be busy creating the outward workings of the radio station environment. Until next time, See Ya!

P.S. Read and Review!


	2. New Material

I'm bringing you the next installment of this story. I hope ya likey!

Cloud leaned back in his chair trying to find a comfortable way to sit after his flight down the stairs. He was glad he didn't have a show on today. He still hadn't heard from the guest speaker for his next show so he was now trying to come up with some material to talk about if she was a no show.

He heard a small rap on the door. He turned as the door opened and Elena popped her head in. "Hi, Cloud."

"Not now, Elena I have a lot of work to do." He waved a hand at her in a gesture of get out.

"Ah, working on your guest's questions."

"I don't know if she'll be popping up."

"Well, that's what I was coming to tell you. It's a go for your guest."

Cloud grinned a crumpled the paper up. "Good then I can get rid of this crap."

"Ah, well she said she'll be able to come next show not this one."

Cloud stopped and stared for a moment before undoing his 'crap' with defeat.

"Get out."

She nodded with a smile as if she didn't catch what he said and shut the door. Cloud sighed and began writing up some more ideas. He could hear over the speaker overhead that the next show was about to begin.

Dainty music that sounded like it was from some retro school film on school codes and conducts came on followed by Aerith's voice.

"It's now time for Gardening Tips in Midgar. My name is Aerith Gainsborough and I'm your local flower girl from Midgar. I know it can be really difficult trying to keep a healthy garden in the slums but I also know it's just the thing to brighten your spirit!"

More cheesy music ensues.

"Being a flower girl, I make a living of selling a little bit of botanical joy to anyone in need of it so I've had to master the art of gardening in a town like this. Now I'd like to share a few secrets with you."

Another interlude.

"Most of you have a hard time getting light for your little green growing things and I would suggest a 90 watt 'lighting ping'. They go for about 1200 gil a pair. Too expensive, then grab a couple of 60-75 watt bright bill bulbs will do. Careful not to disturb your neighbors with the lights though and make sure to buy bulb guards to vandals don't break them. Please don't use other people's electricity.

"Well, I'm afraid that's all the time we have for now. Please tune in next time when I talk about soils. Goodbye for now." The music fades out and a commercial comes on.

Cloud smiles and gets up as he welcomes the break from writer's block. Perhaps he should go and congratulate Aerith for her first show. He spots her coming down the hall.

"Hey, great first show."

She blushes. "Thank you. You know, I've always wanted to educate the world on how beautiful flowers can be so this is a great dream for me."

"You've got such a great radio voice too." Cloud leaned in close enough he could smell her soft perfume.

"Why thank…what happened to you?" Aerith leaned back involuntarily as she noticed the bruises on his face.

"Uh! Nothing just…just ah-

He saw Tifa walk by and into the sound booth. An idea clicked. "I was just helping Tifa come up with some moves and stuff for her new show."

"But I thought it was just a work out show."

"W-Well yeah, but you know how she gets when she's in her zone." Cloud smiled and backed away slowly. Aerith seemed to ponder this. "I guess I know what you mean."

"So uh, her shows going on now, right?"

Aerith shakes her head with a smile. "Not quite, it should be time for Bugenhagen."

"What? That old fart came down from his mountain to do a show?" Cloud blurted out with genuine surprise.

"No…not really." Aerith said with uncertainty. "From what I hear, it's some kind of pre-recording of some kind."

"I guess we should give it a listen then." Cloud opened a door to a room with a radio speaker and made a gesture for her to follow. She shrugged and followed after him.

They took a seat on a couch and waited for the next show to begin.

"It is now time for 'Bugenhagen's Word of the Day'." A woman's smooth and meditative voice came over the soft zen-like music. Cloud and Aerith looked at each other not knowing the voice that spoke, but continued on listening.

"Today's word of the day is…"

"Cetra-"

Cloud and Aerith jumped slightly as a loud fuzzy recording of Bugenhagen's voice came on saying the word. Although to Cloud, it seemed as if it came from something out of mid-sentence from the way he spoke and not to mention the beginning of another word after it.

"Think of the many civilizations that lived in peace and harmony before you. They all died horrible and sudden deaths by others who then stood on top of their advancements and stole their cultures and artifacts to get where they are today. You might be from one of these brutish hordes of masses. In fact, we are sure that you are. Have a nice day." With that, a soft voice was gone and another came on announcing Tifa's show next.

"What the hell was that?" Cloud wondered aloud.

"I-I'm not sure." Aerith responded slowly. "It wasn't anyone I recognized."

"Well, I'm sure whatever it was won't last long on the air. I gotta go, I have to prepare some material for my next show." Cloud got up and stretched his arms out until they almost touched the ceiling.

"Oh well, good luck on that." Aerith gave him a bright smile.

"Hey, did you catch my show?"

"Sadly, I did not. At the time I was in the conference room going through my contract."

"Really, what did you get for time?" Cloud asked knowing his contract bound him to the studio for two years with minimum wage.

"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday."

"I mean for how long?"

"I don't understand." She looked at him puzzled.

"You know, how long do have to work for this place?"

"For as long as I want, I guess. It doesn't really give me a set time frame. Is that what you asked for?" Aerith asked.

"Sonofa…It's nothing. Forget I asked, I'll see you around." Cloud left out and headed back to his room. He got inside as the peppy dance music began for Tifa's show.

"Woohoo! Hi everyone this is Tifa Lockheart and I'm bringing you the best workout of your life. So get up off those sofas and shake off those potato chips we're going to move your body."

The music beat starts up. "Okay, let's start by stepping in place! Yeah! Let's get the heart rate going. Next, we're gonna step it up with some jumping jacks. Let's go!"

Cloud sighed and imagined Tifa jumping up and down. Up and Down. Up and Down.

"Wow."

"Okay, next let's jump to the left! Now jump to the right! And again!"

Cloud imagined again. Jumping to the right. Jumping to the left.

"Wow."

"Alright people let's do some punches. We'll do four punches with the right, then four with the left and alternate for five sets."

Cloud imagined Tifa's punching. Left punch. Right punch. Left punch. Right punch.

"Wow."

"Let's add a kick! Whoo!"

A kick.

"Wow."

"Now spin and kick to the left. Now the right."

"Wow. Spin AND Kick. Wow."

"Are we having fun guys?"

"oh yeah." Cloud nodded with a smile.

"I bet you are! We're almost done. Now let's do some squats. Come on, squeezing those cheeks!"

"Mmmm, squeeze." Cloud drooled.

"Just a few more and you're done! All right! Let's walk it out. You guys were great and just think in a matter of weeks with the right diet, you'll be slimming down and buffing up and looking great. Don't forget to stretch everybody!"

"Mmmm, stretch."

"That's all I've got for ya, but tune in tomorrow at the same time. I'll add some more to the workout that will get your body movin'. Until then, stay fit! Byeee!"

Cloud turned the radio speaker off. "I think I'm gonna like that show."

He looked down at the crumpled paper in front of him and sighed.

"Dammit."

Notes- Hee hee! Those were some of the other vignettes I came up with and just decided to include them in this show. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanx!


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